For English Second Language learners, the question “How are you?” can be one of the most daunting [1] to answer. Not only is it a loaded question [2], but it’s asked all the time.

It’s simple to give an autopilot response such as, “I’m fine thank you, and you?,” but let’s face it [3] - we are usually far more complex than that! We live busy lives, interesting things happen, and sometimes we aren't actually “fine,” which is okay! Today we will learn how to express ourselves more freely which will help us better engage with clients, colleagues, or friends.

Before we decide on how to respond, we need to assess the context of who is asking, and why.

1. How well do you know this person?

2. What is the setting? Are you grabbing coffee with a friend? Or are you just passing by a colleague in the hallway?

If you are meeting someone for the first time, it’s likely you’ll want to keep things surface-level. In that case, you can keep your response light and perhaps closer to the positive side for the sake of first-impressions. On the other hand, if it’s your 10th class with your favorite Ringle tutor it may be a pleasant opportunity to test out some new responses that can give a little insight into who you truly are.

Here are some ways to respond in ways that are still polite without completely being an open book [4].

Greetings:

- How are you?

- How’s it going? (Casual)

- How was your day?

- Everything good? (Casual)

Responses:

Before crafting your response, consider your options. You can share how you're doing physically, emotionally, mentally, or in any other way, including describing the type of day you've had. Check out these expressions you can start to incorporate into your day-to-day life.

If you are feeling…

Good

- I’m doing great, life has been treating me well.

- Can’t complain! How about yourself?

- I was very productive today.

- I had a relaxing day today.

Excited

- I’m pumped for ______ (i.e. “I’m pumped for my vacation coming up!”)

- I’m over the moon [5].

Neutral

- Nothing special / Nothing crazy.

- I’m hanging in there.

- Not too bad / Not too shabby.

Not Good/Vulnerable:

- I’ve been better. (Meaning: today was not the best day.)

- I'm a bit stressed out, but I'll manage.

- Things have been rough lately, but I'm getting through it.

- I'm feeling a bit down today.

- I had a long/tough day at work today.

- I’m just going through something right now, but it will pass. (You can use this when you want to express that you’re having a hard time right now, but don’t want to share details.)

Tired

- I’m wiped. I’m in desperate need of a recharge.

- I’m feeling drained.

In addition, here are some very casual phrases you can use with people you know very well, or don’t mind using some slang with:

- Oh you know, just living the dream. (This doesn’t mean you’re actually living the dream - it’s a semi-sarcastic response that actually just means “nothing special”. You may hear people use this when they are in middle of their day-to-day routine life)

- I’m living my best life. (This one can go either way - it can be used earnestly or sarcastically, depending on the tone).

The next time someone asks you “How are you?” try out a new phrase. It may feel awkward at first, but as you get more comfortable it will help you break the ice in more ways than one.